Guest Post: Are you holding on to resentment?
This post is part of a series of guest posts on issues that are related to estate planning. This one is written by Dr. Corey Hirsch J.D., L.C.S.W.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” —Malachy McCourt
What Is Resentment?
Miriam-Webster suggests that resentment is a feeling of being wronged, insulted or injured by someone or something. Perhaps someone did or said something that hurt your feelings. Or, perhaps, you have an unmet expectation or an accumulation of frustration over little things. While you cannot control that first thought, “that’s not fair,” using The Work of Byron Katie, a method of self-inquiry, you can learn to reframe your perception of the situation and gain freedom from resentful feelings.
The Work: Four Questions:
Is it true? Often thoughts seem like facts and “feel” true. However, when you question and examine your thoughts to see what is actually happening, you may find that your perception is not necessarily accurate.
Can you absolutely know that it is true? Can you know with 100% certainty that what you think is actually true? What else might be going on? What is the story you have created to support the negative thought?
How do you react when you believe that thought? Perhaps you feel angry, hurt, or ashamed when you have the thought.
Who would you be without that thought? If you can imagine the situation without the offending thought, you may feel lighter, neutral or free.
The Work: Turnarounds
If you try turning the thought around, you can neutralize the thoughts and feelings. Try stating the opposite of the original thought. Instead of “he did this to me,” perhaps try, “he did not do that to me.” Might that be true also?
Or, perhaps you can try, “I did that to him.” If we are truly honest, we usually realize that in some way, we, too, have said or done the offending action.
Perhaps, try, “I did that to myself.” When we ruminate over a situation, we relive the painful situation on repeat. In that case, we actually injure ourselves.
Using the four questions and the turnarounds, you can gain clarity about the situation and freedom from resentful thoughts If you are interested in learning more about The Work, or if you are interested in setting yourself free from negative thinking, reach out to me at (310) 486-8842 or www.coreyhirschlcsw.com
Dr. Corey Hirsch J.D., L.C.S.W specializes in helping people evaluate whether staying in a marriage or divorce is the right choice for them. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a former criminal defense lawyer. In addition, she has been an Adjunct Professor in the Masters of Psychology program at Pepperdine University. Most importantly, she is a proud single mother of three amazing (and often challenging) daughters.