What are the Stages of Grief? Coping with Grief and Loss (Part 1 of 2)
Although this may seem “off topic” for an estate planning/estate administration lawyer’s blog, I wanted to share this because so many of my clients are grieving when they contact me. When someone reaches out for help with probate or trust administration, they are usually in the midst of grappling with their own grief. Other clients are spurred to do their planning because they have lost a loved one. It’s not easy to balance grief and legal necessities, and I hope to share some helpful information along the way.
This post is part of a series of guest posts on issues that are related to estate planning. This one is written by Dr. Corey Hirsch J.D., L.C.S.W. It is part of a two part series; the next part will focus on Coping with Grief.
Grief is a natural response to loss and often feels overwhelming. Grief may occur in response to the death or loss of a loved one, loss of health, loss of financial stability and in many other situations. Even though loss is inevitable and universal, individual experiences of grief and loss vary. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and, while grief often decreases with time, there is no typical timeline for overcoming grief.
Individuals experience emotional responses to grief, such as numbness, feeling disconnected from daily life, and difficulty with daily tasks, and individuals may also experience physical symptoms of grief, including difficulty sleeping, nausea, fatigue, weight and appetite changes, aches and pains, or lowered immunity. And, while grief cannot be controlled, understanding the stages of grief can help.
The Stages of Grief
Individuals often experience grief in waves, and may even experience periods of joy during the grieving process. In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross conceptualized grief in five stages. While the five stages may not occur in order, most individuals experience each stage during the grieving process.
Denial involves feelings that the loss is not actually happening. Sometimes the individual may experience denial as an overwhelming feeling that life makes no sense, or is meaningless.
Anger is a necessary part of the grieving process and may involve attempts to understand why the loss is happening. Individuals may experience anger toward doctors, family members, the lost loved one, and others. Some may feel anger toward God or a higher power and may even question their faith.
Bargaining may involve psychological attempts to go back to a time before the loss and individuals may ask “what if” questions. Guilt often accompanies bargaining as individuals often blame themselves for not doing things differently before the loss occurred.
Depression often follows bargaining as the individual moves from thoughts about the past into realization of the present. Depression is a normal response to grief and may look like withdrawal from daily life, intense sadness, disconnection from life, and wondering how to go on.
Acceptance involves readjusting and learning to live with a new life without the loved one. Acceptance may be mistaken as a sense of being “OK” with the loss, however, many people never actually feel “OK” with the loss; but rather have accepted their new reality.
Next week, Dr. Corey Hirsch will focus on strategies for Coping with Grief. If you need support, you can reach out to her at (310) 486-8842 or www.coreyhirschlcsw.com
Dr. Corey Hirsch J.D., L.C.S.W specializes in helping people evaluate whether staying in a marriage or divorce is the right choice for them. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a former criminal defense lawyer. In addition, she has been an Adjunct Professor in the Masters of Psychology program at Pepperdine University. Most importantly, she is a proud single mother of three amazing (and often challenging) daughters.