Guest Post: What is an end of life doula? Do I need one for myself or a loved one?
This post is written by Robin Palmer Blanche, who trained to be an end-of-life doula through INELDA (International End of Life Doula Association) in 2022. I asked Robin to write a post for my clients and potential clients who are going through some aspect of end-of-life planning — whether they are the person who is dying or if they have a loved one who died and they are processing the grief associated with that death. Robin has completed numerous other doula trainings, focusing on such topics as dementia and pediatric death, as well as grief education and grief movement. She lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with her husband and two children, and works remotely with people across the country via Zoom as well. In addition to working as an end-of-life doula, she also does legacy work in the form of memoir and workshops.
As an end of life doula, I provide practical, emotional and spiritual support to families as they walk a loved one through the end of life. I started my company You Were Here in order to support people as they prepare for the end of their life in the most conscious and intentional way possible.
In my recent TEDx Talk “How talking about death can help you truly live” I spoke about how the sooner we do the outer and inner work to prepare for our inevitable end of life, the more freely and intentionally we can live the time we have left. I serve as a companion to help you choreograph a life and death that is in line with who you are and how you want to be remembered. Doing this work is a gift to those you love as it allows them to be present with you in your final days and come to their own feelings of completion which can be very beneficial in the grieving process.
Planning for the end of life saves considerable time, money, headache, and heartache for those we love most. People can relax knowing that their end-of-life wishes are known and their loved ones are supported after they are gone. The benefits of hiring an end of life doula include:
• Decrease in fear
• Education about options
• Greater satisfaction with care
• Better attention to wishes
• Reduction of burden on loved ones
• Increased support for family
• Earlier emotional support
• Better continuity of care
• Help with the grieving process starting with anticipatory grief
Some of the services I offer:
• Supply you with resources about advanced directives
• Help you prioritize what you want to do with the time you have left
• Hold space as you process tough emotions (guilt, regrets, unfinished business, shame)
• Help you with a life review for find meaning in life and provide closure
• Storytelling to uncover family connections and one’s personal or community contributions
• Creative legacy projects
• Help with bequeathing
• Creating a plan for support at the very end for the entire family
• Help alleviate any worry you may have about leaving a beloved animal companion behind by planning for their care
• Guided meditations to help with anxiety and relaxation
• Grief movement to help alleviate anxiety
• Help with planning funeral and memorial services
• Vigil planning and presence
• Grief processing and support for the family during and after death
• Obituary and eulogy writing
We are all unique individuals, which is why I tailor my services to support what the person and their family needs at that moment. My ultimate goal is to help people feel as if nothing is left undone in their life, especially with their loved ones. Sometimes I am called in to help a family towards the very end. Sometimes I’m hired by the dying person, and the other family members aren’t interested in interacting with me. Sometimes I’m hired by family members and never even interact with the dying person. As it’s never too early to think about what you want at the end, as part of my BodyMindSoul package, often I will work with people who are nowhere close to dying but want to get prepared now so that they can be more present with the life they do have left. Doing this work is a huge gift for loved ones as it allows them to be present with you at the end instead of running around tying up loose ends which helps with the grief process once you are gone.
I hope this information is helpful for you so that you know there are resources available to help. If you have any questions or want to get in touch with Robin, please feel free to contact me as well.